9:55 am Tuesday 28th July 2026

A question I sent to myself for my birthday

The following text is an ask I sent to myself on tumblr in January:

hello...me! i sent this ask to myself in january. it is your birthday today. you're now 28. how's things? did jerry's prev owner move out yet? do we have jerry now? how is he doing? he's not too stressed out from the change, is he? i hope mum is taking it alright. i just purchased the steam deck today and i was thinking about how it feels to be in this moment where things haven't happened yet, but i know that they will, but being stuck in the feeling of like...waiting. like i'm in the queue for the "event" to happen, like in a fucking WoW dungeon, except the queue lasts for weeks on end and i can't leave or do anything else while i wait or whatever LMAO. im patient when it comes to waiting for my friends if we're doing stuff, but not for like, events to happen or for cool shit to happen in the mail. or the doctor. also how are you liking midnight :3 is it fun? what's your favourite zone so far? what's the craziest thing that's happened (quest/lore wise or just...some silly shit that happened to you and L)?

anyways i think that's all i'm going to ask. you have money now, right? buy yourself a fucking awesome birthday present or something :3 or maybe you already have. anyways enjoy your day!!! signed the 27 year old ash from the past who's wriggling with excitement for the future

The following text is my response:

Hello me!!!

Things are okay. I just woke up and I'm outside giving Jerry outdoor time. Yes, Jerry's prev owner has already moved out, and we have new neighbours now who are very quiet and also cool :3 We do have Jerry now, and I'd say that he's settled into our new routine well. He was a little stressed at first but we figured it all out eventually. It just takes time and also trial and error lol. Mum keeps getting bit by Jerry which is a major issue but we're trying to figure out ways to get him to stop doing that ir to redirect his energy to something he's allowed to bite.

I know how you feel with the whole “waiting” part. In a few days I go to the optometrists for my appointment so I can get new glasses and such, and that's something that will take a while! I really need new glasses since our old ones are scratched to hell and back and the frames kinda suck (you already knew that, though). I remember feeling that awful waiting period for the steam deck to arrive, but it's like all that time went by and suddenly I'm hundreds of hours into a bunch of different games that I've never played before and having a blast.

I do like midnight, yeah :3 My fav zone I think is the Troll area (forgot what it's called, my bad). It's just got really cool music and I love the scenery. But all the zones are pretty cool in my opinion.

Ummm the craziest thing I think was when Turalyon fucking sliced his son in the chest by accident which made me fucking gasp. As for silly shit that happened with me and L, I accidentally dismounted my dragon in midair while he was riding with me, and my ass fell to my death while his ass parachuted slowly and safely down to the ground like a little feather 💀 But that's just par for the course tbh.

Yeah I got money now! I was gonna buy myself a new tablet, one with a screen that has true colours on it or whatever the technical term is called. My laptop screen is tinted blue and tbh it's been driving me nuts ever since I started doing digital drawings (since I was 13 💀) trying to draw stuff with colours when the colours on my screen are FUCKED UP. Having to screenshot the drawing and send it to myself on discord just so I can look at the art on my phone to see how I need to adjust the colours is some next level bullshit. Soooo yeah. That's what I'm gonna do.

Signed, future Ash who is 28 and chasing Jerry around the backyard.

10:38 am Friday 24th July 2026

jerry the sweety boy

Today was a beautiful sunny morning. Ii took jerry outside, and he did his usual routine of rolling around happily in the sun.

However, one of the new neighbours (the guy who I'm calling H) eventually came outside to put his washing up on the clothes line (we share a backyard) and it was the first time that jerry didn't run away from him. he's fine with the other neighbour (the one i went to the pub with in an earlier entry, who I'm calling C) but he's always run away from H.

I thought Jerry would run away like he always does, but I guess he was in such a happy mood that he didn't. I remarked to H that it's the first time Jerry hadn't run away from him, and H said that he must be getting used to him. H then crouched down to say hello to Jerry, and Jerry went straight up to him and let H pet him! He was such a good boy, he didn't bite or anything. He also rubbed up against H's clothes basket and started rolling around on the grass near H when he started putting the clothes up on the line.

All in all, Jerry seems to be getting used to the neighbours, and is not so scared of them now. Probably helps that he sniffs their cars all the time and rolls around in the driveway where their cars have driven. So maybe having familiarised himself with their scent has helped? Either way, I'm really happy that Jerry was a happy and nice boy today.

Also this is the 69th post on my blog lol. figured I'd mention that.

5:27 pm Wednesday 22nd July 2026

incredibly exhausted.

today was mega tiring. had to go out for an appointment with best employment to get me started on a course- wanted a shower early in the morning so i wasnt a smelly rat. asked mum to help me with jerry since he also wants to go outside early. i asked this of her the previous day and she said sure, wake me up at 7:30. the point was she'd take jerry outside for an hour or so and in that time i'd have my shower, and i'd have a little bit of time to prepare before i walked to the appointment. i woke her up at 7:30, I’d taken Jerry outside, and what I expected her to do was to take over the supervision of my cat during his outdoor time. instead she told me to just bring him back inside even tho it had barely been 30 minutes that we'd been out there. i told her the whole point of waking her up early was so she could take over for a while before bringing him back inside. she said she didn't want to do it cuz the last time she did that jerry tried to bite her. i was just upset cuz like you agreed to help me yesterday and now you're saying no? then what's the point in me waking you up? i basically told her that next time she should just fucking tell me “no i don't want to help you, do it yourself” if she was that unwilling to do it so at least I know what to fucking expect. like actually what is the point in all that bullshit i did earlier today when nothing fucking came of it. when my optometrist appointment comes around i'm not even gonna bother asking her for help with jerry in the morning. there's zero fucking point.

for context, jerry needs to go outside in the morning and in the afternoon and he's a needy bloody cat and needs constant attention and i get such little fucking time for myself to do shit. he's very much like a toddler with fur and claws. i get maybe a few hours in the morning and a few hours at night to do what i want to do. everything else is Jerry Whines About Something Time or me laying in bed because i'm too tired to do anything else. Sometimes during Jerry’s whining time. I love this cat very much and he's a silly sweet guy, but given that everyone else I know who has cats rarely complains about their cat being difficult to take care of, I have to believe that Jerry might be a particularly difficult cat. Because I'm the only bitch out here complaining (in reality i rarely complain because i just feel like a stupid idiot that can't handle taking care of a cat when it's apparently a breeze for fucking everyone else.) and when he's this tough to deal with i'd like it for other people to fucking help me when i have other obligations but i guess fucking not!!!

but that wasn't the end of the bullshit i dealt with because after the appointment, i went shopping for more cat food for Jerry, and when walking home, i walked past the park, which is the usual way I go home. well, at the gazebo there was some fucking dipshit angry guy. idk if he was drunk and on the phone, or he was so off his face that he was yelling to someone that wasn't there, but he was just at the gazebo yelling and swearing and talking and going “COME ON, CUNT!!!” but as I was walking by (he was the only guy there at the park), I could've sworn he started yelling at me. he was screaming shit like “you fucking pig slut” and all this other bullshit. he started walking towards the bathrooms when i got in line of sight of the walkway up to the gazebo, and he was like idk talking to himself or yelling. i dont fucking remember ok. all i knew was if i continued walking forward, i would be closer to this shitcunt since the bathrooms were ahead of me, so i turned around and walked back where i came from, phone open on the keypad READY to dial 000 if the cunt tried anything. i had to walk a different route and walked way further to get home than i normally would, and by the end i was fucking exhausted. thankfully the coward didn't follow me. then when i got home my fucking PERIOD STARTED!!! the only good thing about that day was that i got to eat chips with gravy. everything else sucked donkey dick. i am angry and upset and tired. also fuck men i hope they all die

10:24 am Sunday 5th July 2026

Someone tried to steal my neighbour's car? and just gave up???

Sooo something weird happened a few nights ago.

My mum heard a bunch of weird noises at about 2:30 am, a bunch of weird metallic clinking sounds. She'd thought it was a neighbour from the house over the backyard fence putting a bunch of metal tools into a bucket (that's what sounded like to her). It was windy that night so it sounded like maybe some tools had fallen off his workbench (he does do a bunch of work outside in the backyard very often) and that the neighbour had gone to pick it all up.

When I'd gone to let Jerry (my cat) outside in the morning, and he went around the house to explore the backyard, I noticed that my neighbour’s car (we'll call him T) had been moved.

My neighbour T has two cars. One that he actually drives (a black one that he parks in the front garage area) and one that very much does not run and is a car he's been trying to get fixed, parked in the backyard parking area.. It's all dusty and covered in cobwebs and has wires sticking out the front bumper, so it's clearly and obviously not a valuable car to steal. But this is the car that was moved, and my thought when I saw it that morning was that maybe T had worked on it last night and maybe had managed to get it moving a little, before he'd stopped and just left it there. It had been moved maybe 1 car length out of the parking area, and slightly turned a bit to curve around the driveway.

The odd thing is that this was the car that the wannabe car thief attempted to steal. The not moving, least valuable car on the property. And also the least visible, least accessible car.

I live in a flat apartment thing in which there are 4 units in one long house, so we share the same front yard and backyard. There are parking spots in the backyard on each end of the long house for the tenants, capable of fitting 4 cars in total (and 1 extra parking space down the side in a more enclosed parking area, which is also where the box to turn off the power to the individual flats is located, in the event an electrician has gotta work on one of our flats or something). So basically you can park 5 cars on the property. But where my neighbour T has got his car parked? You cannot actually see it most of the time if you’re somebody passing by the property, you can only see it occasionally if the other tenants on the other side of the property are out at work. That’s the only time you can see T’s car, because otherwise the car is obscured by the other cars that are usually blocking the line of sight of T’s car. It’s hard to explain, but I’ll draw up a fucking diagram I guess.

As you can see from these diagrams I just drew, there is basically...

1. no logical reason to target this car
2. basically no visibility of this car except for at one angle, at very specific times of the day

And the funny part about this whole thing is that because the car is heavy and non-functional, this singular wannabe car thief seemed to have physically pushed the car on their own to try and get it out of the parking area, and had given up at some point. It really wouldn’t have mattered even if they’d broken the window and gotten inside the car, because, again, the car is non-functional. But...because the window hadn’t been broken, it makes me wonder if the person who tried to steal this car already knew that? Maybe they knew T personally or something? Knew about the car? Had targeted it specifically because it was the least valuable one and the least likely for anyone to care about, allowing them to get away with the crime more easily? And perhaps they didn’t realise how difficult it actually would’ve been to actually steal it until they actually tried it (and then failed)?

I don’t know, but it’s really just so fucking weird to me. I don’t get it. I don’t like the fact that some idiot was on our property. I hate that we don’t have actual gates for our fences and shit (we originally didn’t have fences and we had to beg the real estate for 3 years to get a fence put around the property since people kept parking their cars ON OUR FRONT FUCKING LAWNS until the fences were put up). People’s respect for others property just goes straight out the window the moment you don’t have a fence or a gate on your property and they feel entitled just waltz into the place. Not that a car thief would be stopped by a gate or whatever, but at least the gate being left open or messed around with would give us an indicator that someone had been on the property at some point, you know? I’m hoping we can get some fucking gates soon. I never feel safe here because of how bold people feel coming up to our house and going on our property and shit. I hate it so bad.

11:53 pm Wednesay 1st July 2026

Artfight, speedpaints, and reviving my youtube channel!

sooo i don't usually post entries for my blog at night, but i am kind of running out of time to make one sooo i'm doing it now!

first of all, I'm def gonna be doing artfight this year (i forgot if i said i was going to or not), and i'll be focusing on doing higher quality pieces of art specifically for characters that are either undead, angels, or demons. i'll also be doing something different in which, for the first time in like 9 or 10 years, i'll actually be doing speedpaints again! i'll be doing the speedpaints of the artfight attacks, and i'll be adding commentary over it and stuff. which will be kinda scary, since i'm a little afraid to put myself out there since um. well. i've not had a great experiences with that sort of thing, but i won't be talking about myself being Aboriginal or talking about racism on my youtube channel, i'll just be focusing on art, so i don't think i'll be having a problem with people being mean. i don't think i'll get many views anyway, so that type of thing is unlikely to be such a huge problem. i just don't want people to be fucking rude to me just based on who i am. also, as much as it sucks, i'm just gonna edit some info on all my social media accounts so it's more basic and simple and i'm not getting people harrassing me for small shit like how i refer to myself or what mob i'm from or whatever. i'll be doing the same here on my website.

i've been wanting to do the youtube thing for a while in regards to going back to doing speedpaints (i really only did a few, and did so when i was still kinda meh at art), so artfight is a great time to do it!

but also the same time artfight starts (tomorrow) will also be the same day that the electrical workers will be doing maintenance on the powerlines in my area, and that means i won't have power for 6 entire hours, starting at 9 am 😭😭😭 so i won't even be able to start on artfight until basically the evening. greatttt. but i have a lot of ideas for who and what i'm going to draw so yay!

7:44 am Monday 15th June 2026

Bricked my Steam Deck with Skyrim (It's okay I fixed it)

Sooo about 2 days ago I decided I wanted to play Skyrim on my Steam Deck. Specifically the Special Edition, even though it was categorised by Steam as being “unplayable” (whereas the original version is categorised as “playable”). I got it installed and set up and everything, and started playing it. Got to Bleak Falls Barrow and killed a guy, and then tried to loot him. Full on crashed the game and the Deck. I tried restarting it anddd it was stuck in a boot-loop. I tried to erase user data and that seemed to kind of work, but then I tried restarting the Deck afterwards to make sure what I'd done had been successful...and it started boot-looping again.

I got to the point where I had no choice but to do a factory reset. I had to use the SD card (which had a bunch of games on it) to install a SteamOS recovery image onto it so the Deck could boot from the SD and re-install SteamOS. That thankfully seemed to do the trick.

But uhhh. Yeah. No Skyrim on the Steam Deck. I’ll stick to just playing it on the computer.

I decided to try out No Man's Sky instead, since I had it in my library but hadn't played it yet, and I've been enjoying it so far! I have a simple base on some desert-like planet which has big ass beetles on it, and a basic base I can teleport to on another planet cuz it had uranium there. I think I'll just be making basic little bases here and there so I can teleport directly to resources I find it hard to come across, like sodium for example, or oxygen.

Also I made friends with my new neighbour and we went out to the pub and started socialising and it was great! We chatted for a full 4 hours non-stop, no awkward silences or any struggles to find topics to talk about, it was actually smooth as hell. Turns out talking to my buddy L every other day on discord in VC keeps me from becoming rusty in terms of verbal communication lol.

9:44 am Wednesday 27th May 2026

Been playing a lot of games

lately i've been a bit meh. my emotions i feel like have been all over the place, mostly because a lot of stuff has been happening and i wanted time to really process it all before i decided to like...write something in my blog.

mind you i'm not actually gonna talk about any of the shit because i don't feel like it. it's gonna stay in my brain. i'm just telling you there's emotions in my body and it's cuz of stuff. i'm too tired to talk about it, feels like just re-opening wounds i don't want to open. it's not fun. sooo let's talk about the stuff i do wanna talk about.

it's been very rainy lately. the rainy weather has been making jerry a little stir crazy and acting all silly and weird. he's somehow more of a handful when it's cold than when it's hot. when it's hot he can't be bothered to do anything. when it's cold he's doing zoomies outside and trying to crawl up my neighbour's screen doors 💀 thankfully my neighbour's are understanding people.

we also got new neighbours and they are super chill and not loud and very nice and i like them a lot. yayyyy new neighbours that aren't dogshit!

also my buddy L got me into another game, Diablo IV. I've been playing it obssessively and ended up surpassing where *he* was in the game, and I'm close to max level. lmfao. Seems to be a common theme- someone gets me into a game and I surpass where they're at because I'm a crazy person. A different friend got me into Warframe a while back and now I'm the same Mastery Rank as they are and I may actually have more warframes than them at this point 💀I'm still behind on the story though. I'll get there eventually.

I've also just been playing other games. I finished the first Portal game yesterday, took me only 2 hours. Never played it before but had it in my library so I installed it to my steam deck and managed to finish it! I liked it a lot :3 I will be playing Portal 2 soon as well :3 And I've been playing a variety of other games and shit. I've been filling up my steam library with games I always wanted to play which I couldn't cuz computer was too shit to play them. But the Steam Deck *can* play them soooo...I been putting a loootttt of stuff on my wishlist and waiting for those games to go on sale, and then buying them lol. I'll get around to playing them all, eventually. I'm just going from game to game, and playing them until completion before unisntalling so I can install a different game (Warframe, WoW and Diablo IV are all over 100GB in size and I only got so much space on my steam deck lmfao). It's the best way to get through them all.

But uuhhhhh yeah. Meow.

9:37 am Sunday 17th May 2026

More progress on my animatic and new neighbours

It's been a while since I've updated my website (oops), so I figured I'd give an update.

Firstly, I'm making decent progress with the animatic. I've had to take a week or so off of working on it since I had other irl stuff to do, but I'm hoping to work on it again next week or something.

I've been streaming myself working on it with my friends in discord and stuff, showing me drawing the different frames, explaining what I'm doing, and even editing the video lol. I got a weird way of making the animatic, in which I work through the sketches of the frames chronologically so I can add each sequential sketch-frame to the video. Since I'm working with sketches (not the fully rendered paintings...not just yet) it helps for me to figure out early on what frames I can do away with, what frames need multiple layers for moving characters or if a character comes in and out of focus, etc. It also helps me get the timing right for all the frames so when I start actually fully painting the frames, I don't have to mess around with the editing or anything, I just replace the sketch images with the fully rendered images and bam, animatic done.

At the moment I'm like one fifth of the way through getting all the preliminary sketches done for the animatic. It's not easy, I'll say that much.

I also ummm don't have the end scenes for the storyboard done yet 😭 I'll be real I've been procrastinating on them a lot. I know technically what is gonna happen in those scenes, it's just matching it up with the music that's gonna be hard. But I think I know what I have to do. But in the meantime I've just been getting the earlier parts of the animatic done. A really cool part is coming up and I'm both excited and nervous to work on it (I'm eternally afraid of fucking up and being a failure).

Also we're getting new neighbours and they seem chill as hell. They don't mind me and my cat chilling outside and stuff which is good :3

Also also I've been getting a lot of new warframes and I've had no one to show soooo I might start working on the Warframe section of my website lol.

9:39 am Monday 4th May 2026

A sneak peak of my animatic! (wip)

So, a while ago I made a post where I talked about a project I was working on, specifically an animatic. I’m still working on it, and have been showing various different storyboards and finished frames to my friends and various discord servers I'm on, but I also said I would show a sneak peak video of like the first 30 seconds of the animatic...sooo here it is!

There's a little error with the video which is the fact that it has more contrast then what I wanted (a rendering issue I thankfully know how to fix), but otherwise there's only a few little things I wanna change to this first part. Namely giving Grokkar (the orc character in the video) more detailed armour since for whatever reason I went ham on the armour for the troll and tauren dude but did not do nearly the same amount of detail for Grokkar's armour. Sooo I'll be fixing that, and also making Grokkar blink once more to make him seem a little more life-like. Otherwise I'm super proud with this first part!

I feel like I'm really solidifying my personal art style. I always drew in this way when I was doing backgrounds but rarely people: lots of detail and most a semi-realistic way of painting. It takes a lot of effort to draw that way which is why I rarely do it- but I'm gonna be doing it a LOT for this animatic so hopefully I'll get quicker and better at it! But uhh yeah this is still gonna take forever. It took me hours to draw that tauren dude in the back just for him to show up for like a few seconds 😭 the woes of an artist

11:47 am Tuesday 28th April 2026

Reading and a change of plans

Sooo it's been well over a week since I last made a blog update, and that's just because I've been doing a lot of stuff irl and I've in general been some-what offline, more so than usual (besides playing WoW and watching youtube videos). I've been reading a lot more and stuff. I finished reading "Dark Emu" by Bruce Pascoe as well as "Sand Talk" by Tyson Yunkaporta and they were both fantastic books that I'm so glad to have read, and I really think everyone on planet Earth should read them honestly. I'm now reading The Fellowship of the Ring, since I've only seen the lotr movies once and barely remembered anything about them, and I figured it would be cool if I just read the books for the first time and see how it is. I'm only like a few chapters in but I'm enjoying it so far! I may even be able to finish the book before I have to return them (my library usually gives people a full month to read whatever books they've borrowed, which is plenty of time for most people but I only get to read like maybe 30 minutes to an hour a day, and sometimes not at all if I have to chase Jerry around the yard...since that's the only time I get to read).

Something to mention about my website that you've probably seen, is that I've removed the button that had my cat on it which redirected to my tumblr sideblog for my cat. That sideblog has also been deleted. If you ever encountered an error on this website and got redirected to the error page, there was a picture of my cat on it- that picture has been removed as well. So too, have all pictures of both myself and my cat been removed from my main tumblr blog.

The reason for this is rather personal, and I do not wish to go into details. But I simply do not feel safe or okay uploading pictures of myself or my cat anymore, and that is that. I originally intended for there to be a whole section on my website for my cat, but that is no longer going to happen. Perhaps in 5 or 10 years when I feel safer in my circumstances I may potentially be more open to the idea, but for now...you will only read about cat shenanigans, but you will not see him. Sorry.

9:11 am Sunday 19th April 2026

Guestbook back up and running!

wahoooo guestbook is no longer down! weeeheee! that didn't take long at all :3 Everything should be up and running and everyone should be able to use the guestbook now!

ummm i dont really know what to say except that I'm literally almost done w/ the Elite: Dangerous blog entries. I have like. Maybe 5 more to add? It would be pretty quick to finish them all lol. I will say that my storage went up from 15% full to like 30% full cuz of the sheer amount of pictures that I have got. That I also didn't try to compress at all 😔 I just didn't have time to compress all the damn pictures. It takes too long mannn. There's well over 100 pictures. I’ll get to it when I actually need the space.

Alsoooo I just want to really quickly rant about Jerry the Piss Boy (my cat).

A few days ago, Jerry smelled the vacuum cleaner that my mum had temporarily stored on the kitchen floor, out of the way of everything. The vacuum was my uncle’s, and my uncle is a man that always smells sooo fucking bad, so if course...Jerry, being a male cat, did not like this strong scent of a male human in the kitchen, so his pissed on it.

Mum then cleaned the kitchen floor (and the vacuum cleaner) with harsh smelling chemicals. Jerry was offended by this smell and then peed in the bathroom a day later. I then had to clean the bathroom with harsh smelling chemicals.

This smell offended Jerry, and so a few hours later he pissed in the corner, by the back door (very close to where the bathroom is).

Mum then cleaned the floor by the back door/laundry area with harsh smelling chemicals, and we both decided that he wasn't allowed in the laundry/bathroom area anymore, so we closed the door (we usually have all the doors in our house open when we're not using those areas).

Jerry was offended by the smell, and also by not being allowed by the back door anymore, so he pissed on my desk- specifically on my laptop and the laptop cooler below.

However, I did not know about him pissing on my desk for a few days. I knew he had pissed somewhere in my room but not the exact location. I eventually found the area when I decided to sniff the table and realised the smell was coming from the table. I then cleaned the desk with less-harsh smelling detergent that we knew he didn't mind the smell of (dish soap, lol).

I still have the laptop cooler to clean, and it's just...chilling upside down outside until I get to it. It's more complicated to clean than my laptop or desk cuz I may have to take it apart and stuff. But uhhh yeah. No more piss table. And hopefully no more Jerry pissing in things 😭

7:36 am Saturday 18th April 2026

Received an email from Bawkbox

I received an email response- just 5 minutes ago from writing this- from Bawkbox, regarding the issues of the comment box I use for my guestbook currently being down. They said they're working on fixing the problem and will “let me know” when the issue is fixed. I suppose that means they'll email me or something. But thankfully they're working on it and I probably won't have to work on my own self-managed guestbook lmfao. I'm glad I got a quick response (1 day later) and that they seem to already be working on fixing the problem.

Also, I didn't get to write about it in yesterday’s blog post since my main focus was talking about the guestbook being down, but I made a cool update to this very page! You see how every post has its own little window with a “url” attached to it? Well, that's a real url now rather than just set dressing like it was before, and it links to that specific blog post! Yippee! We'be married aesthetic and functionality together to make a beautiful url baby! Um...okay maybe I don't need to say it like that. But you get what I mean :3

Also I'm close to being done with adding all of the Elite: Dangerous entries to my website. Idk if I wanna do the same post ID thing that I did with my blog. I feel like set dressing is more important with the E:D blog since it's meant to be hosted in-universe on what is called the Galnet (galactic network. aka space internet) and the fake url's attached to each post reflect that. I guess I'll leave it as is for now. I think it's less important to be able to link to each individual E:D entry than it is to be able to link to each personal blog post, since my personal blog is...well, personal. And involves me talking about my real life- who knows when an old post might become relevant for me to talk about again or something.

10:00 am Friday 17th April 2026

Guestbook is currently down

There is currently an issue with the guestbook at the moment. If you go there and try to make a comment, it will just say “guestbook is loading” and it won't actually load. I have done some testing, and it seems to be server-side, and nothing to do with my code or anything like that. I also checked to see if it was my ISP, but using a VPN showed the same results of the guestbook refusing to load.

I'm unfortunately unable to log-in to the website that hosts the comments in the first place because the same server error that's causing the guestbooks to not load is the same error that makes it impossible for me to log in. Meaning all I have of the record of comments is the emails I was getting, notifying me of the comments. I kept all these emails so I have everyone's comments, thankfully. But I only have a few emails of the responses I gave back. At some point I started responding to every comment I received, and I didn't keep the emails of my responses since...well I didn't care as much about my own responses and was trying to delete emails I didn't need or care about since I wanted to save space in my inbox (I'm slowly running out of space). I managed to save a few from the trash, but the other responses I gave are just gone from my emails.

I have emailed Bawkbox (the provider of the comment box I use) to let them know of the issue and hopefully they see it and are able to fix the issue. The last comment I received on my guestbook was April 1st (Sydney time), so between then and now something must have broken. I do not know exactly how long it has been down for. It could have only been a few days, it could've been since April 1st shortly after I responded to that last comment (I responded on the same day). I'm not sure. I'll give it two weeks, and if nothing changes or I don't get a response back from Bawkbox, I will have to start working on my own, in-house comment section that is not third party but fully managed by me. I believe that sort of thing is only really possible with a subscription to neocities...but at this point it would be worth it, I think. I saw some code a while back that seemed pretty easy to figure out, and if it comes to it, I'll just use that code I saw. I'm just somewhat done with relying upon 3rd party tools that eventually shut down or break.

To those that wish to make comments, at this point and time you will have to comment on the actual Neocities profile, like what a few others have done in the past. This unfortunately means you must be a Neocities user and have your own website. I apologise deeply to those that do not have a Neocities account but do wish to make comments. The maximum amount of time that I should be without a guestbook that works will be a month (hopefully). I don't know how long it will take to get the code I need to work if I need to pivot to my own self-managed guestbook. But I will of course give updates to how long I think it will take if that does come to pass.

If at all I do need to pivot to my own tool, I will accumulate every comment from every place I've ever gotten a comment from (neocities profile comments, 123guestbook, htmlcommentbox) and put them in there, alongside new comments people decide to make.

9:09 am Tuesday 16th April 2026

300k views already???

In only 6 months, the views for my website jumped up from 200k all the way to 300k. Kind of nuts!!! Previously I'd been getting 100k views a year, but now the time has halved down to 6 months. My website is...actually popular, and getting followers (without me needing to spam follow other people like what others seem to do lmao). I'm just kind of shocked that my silly little website is something people are interested in looking at. But also at the same time I'm like “duh of course people want to look at my website and interact with it, I put all this effort into making it look good and fixing the bugs and making it mobile friendly and adding lots of stuff to it” like idk I guess I just thought my website would only be something my friends looked at and such. I'm really proud of myself though! Yipppeeee!!!!

On the topic of my website, I think I might make a site-map to make things easier for people who do NOT know where the fuck anything is. I have a lot of pages on my website and while I'm certain lots of people like the feeling of exploring it and seeing all the things that are there by just...clicking on all the buttons, I feel like having a sitemap will help to make the place more accessible to people who just want a list of all the links/pages available rather than trying to faff about and figure out on their own where everything is. I mean, I feel like I make it pretty obvious where certain stuff is based on the images in the icons and the way that I name them (which, btw, I feel like I struck gold with each section being given an alliterative name). But I feel like having an additional layer of accessibility can only be a good thing.

I’ll start working on the sitemap after I have my shower, lol. It really shouldn’t take too long.

To change the subject a little (to things that are still positive), I feel like I've noticed myself laughing a lot more since I got Jerry, and the laughs I do are deeper sounding, but also more free and joyful. Jerry does a lot of silly things, and sometimes he does silly things in the effort to get my attention, affection and love. He'll get right up in my face while I'm laying in bed and meow loudly at me, as if to say “HEY. PET ME.” Sometimes he gets so close it's weird and he tries to sit right near face while sniffing me, and it just makes me laugh. Even him just rolling around in dirt makes me so happy (because I can see he's enjoying himself) and that happiness just turns into laughter. I'm feeling much happier with Jerry around. I almost can't imagine a life without him, now. I can't imagine all of that time spent by myself and not going outside and not reading books in the sun. I was definitely sadder before than I am now. As a friend of mine recently told me in an email, having an animal around can be so healing, and that is so true. I can see the effects of Jerry's existence on my mind and behaviour, and it's a positive thing. I'm not perfect, obviously lol. I'm still a shut-in with no irl friends and no job, but it's not something that saddens me much anymore. To me it just...is what it is. I'm more content, I think. I feel more relaxed in my life. I go to sleep without anything but blankets on my bed and wake up with jerry whining and groaning because I accidentally bumped into him (because he was curled up next to me). I feel less afraid of being in the dark because even though Jerry isn't like...a guard dog, or anything, just his presence makes me feel less scared. Getting a cat was such a good thing for my mental wellbeing and I'm glad I convinced my mum to let me keep him. Besides, she seems to have warmed up to him as well. Even if he is sometimes a little shit lmfao.

9:50 am Sunday 12th April 2026

Feeling more like a normal person.

I had a lapse of judgement today and chose to quickly check tumblr.

It was only going to be for a few minutes- if only to see if any porn-bots had followed me so I could block them. There was one. I blocked it. I was going to go about my day but then I was like "hey I should check a mutual's blog and see what they've been up to" and boy it was a big mistake. Lots of reblogged posts that were pessimisstic as hell and I'm just like. Wow, I just poisoned my brain with pessimism that wasn't previously there just by looking at a few awful posts. I realise how much of an echo chamber that website really is, not just for whiteness but also for pessimism and doomerism. I took one look at tumblr for a few minutes and could feel my heartrate spike and my anger increase, in enough increments for it to be noticable.

I learned my lesson I suppose. Some parts of me still want to share things on that website, like my art or my thoughts or whatever. But nope. No. I don't like that place. I don't know what the hell I ever saw in that website. It is nothing in comparison to what I'm capable of on my own website, and my own website is also not a source of stress for me. I must have been in some sort of comotose state the entire time being on tumblr- or some sort of weird stockholme syndrom type of situation (I know stockholme syndrom isn't real and was based on people's poor understanding of the normal reactions of a woman that was terrified out of her mind and unable to trust the police nor the person who had held her hostage because both were not helping her get out of her hostage situation, but I don't know any other words to describe the feeling of being locked up in an echo chamber that hurts you, and then you being trained to like it). Because I believe it's been about 2 and a half weeks (I thought it was longer than that, like a month or something) and I feel myself truly relaxing and not worrying about anything and feeling truly like a more...normal person.

And this of course coincides with me acquiring a cat and having a normal routine of waking up at 7am (it's usually 6 lmao) and then going to bed at 11pm and figuring out how to fit all the things I want to do in-between taking the cat out (which I do during sunrise and sunset) since we usually spend an hour or so outside. I usually read a book during these times, in-between chasing Jerry around whenever he chases after another cat (which is frequently). It just feels like a normal person thing to do, rather than going on my phone and arguing with ignorant and angry racists on the other side of the world about shit they don't even know about. If I gotta argue with a racist it's gonna be in real life, and instead of arguing I think I'll just hit them on the head instead and get to the actual point of the whole interaction- they don't like me for being Aboriginal, might as well give them a real reason to not like me. I just got no time for it anymore. Racists get their face done in. Even if I'm a lot more mellow nowadays and feel actually quite a bit shy about violence now, sometimes you gotta hit a wanker to let him know he's a wanker.

As for the whole chasing the cat around the yard scenarios I seem to get myself in, Jerry always snorts and huffs and breathes heavily and shakes when he sees another cat- and I have wonder if it's fear, anger or excitement that he's feeling. I can't tell, but I think it might be fear, because when I try to touch him or talk to him in that state, he does that rowrowrow angry cat noise and hisses at me. I have to wait for him to calm down before I can pick him up and take him inside so he can calm down in there. I feel kinda bad about him getting into that state- it clearly stresses him out, but there's not much I can personally do about the other cats- they won't go away.

Even though Jerry's previous owner M has fully moved out (I even helped her clean the bathrooms before she left), she still has some cat food in a box, and she comes back every afternoon and night to feed the stray cats. It's quite annoying. And definitely not allowed, since she doesn't live there anymore. I get that the cats are like strays and not being taken care of, but this house is Jerry's territory and he defends it like hell and gets stressed whenever he sees another cat. M doesn't care about that, though. I'm glad Jerry's my cat now and not hers. The stray cats are being taken away soon by a cat catcher. My mum called the council and they arranged it to be done on Monday- which is tomorrow. No more cat problems, no more stressed Jerry, and hopefully those cats will find proper homes. If not, they'll probably be euthanised. Harsh, but that's just reality. I do hope the little calico will find a home though. He's sweet and loving and afraid of nothing. I think he'll find a home fast.

11:37 am Friday 3rd April 2026

getting really into WoW roleplay!

i keep wanting to make this blog post and keep forgetting to write it down lol so i may as well write it now when i got the time.

i mostly just wanna talk about my rp's i've been doing in WoW. i've been doing a lot of rp with my friends, both my buddy L and my other friends too. Mostly on my warlock dracthyr, Cynder Slatehorn.

I kinda stumbled into rp with her last year when I went to an rp event a year ago with my friends on their actual rp characters, specifically the tirisfal theatre troupe putting on a play. Cynder was the only WrA original character I had that didn't have a wacky fucking name like Traumatised or Dinnerplate, or wasn't a doppelgänger of an existing WoW character that also had a fucked up named (Sylvanussy, Meowthias, Greymain, Throllzbollz, Flynfartwind, etc.) so I figured, eh, I'll just choose Cynder I suppose.

(Funnily enough, when I made Cynder she looked quite a bit different and was supposed to be a doppelgänger of Cynder from The Legend of Spyro video game series. But then I chose some awesome clothes for her and it didn't match her draconic form at all, so I changed her colours and her horns and a decent amount about her until...she just became her own character.)

After that play was done, all my friends started rping and...I just went along with it, making shit up as I went. It was an awesome experience. I then realised WoW rp was awesome and I had to continue doing it, so I downloaded trp and made Cynder a proper profile and everything. I did a rp with a random blood elf lady who saw my profile when I was walking by and thought it was cool, and it was a nice, simple little rp that helped me to dip my toes in. I didn't rp for a while after that cuz. well. life and shit. but i was itching for more

But more recently a good friend of mine asked if i rp'd, cuz they'd checked out my WoW house and said i had “the rper's spirit” because of how well it was made, and i said i had rp'd before a little bit and would like to do more. i then rp'd multiple times with them and some of their friends, on two diff characters (grokkar and cynder, but mostly cynder) and it fully solidified within me how fun it is to roleplay on WoW. I then convinced my buddy L to rp with me yesterday with both our warlocks, and that was also really fun hehe :3 And hopefully in the future my buddy L, my other friends and I can all rp together and have a blast and be silly.

anyways i should make a page for cynder on this website at some point. since she's kinda become my main and i've been rping on her a lot, and one of the WoW houses I own is literally canonically her house (i should probably put some type of pics or vids of those houses on this website but that's for another day lol).

1:00 pm Tuesday 24th March 2026

🎉 Finally left tumblr! 🎉

so this morning was a little eh, but once i got up and got to doing stuff i needed to do, i felt a little bit better and more like i could handle today's stuff..

today is the day i’ve left tumblr. like proper left. logged out of the website on all my devices and deleted the app from my phone. as i write this i just remembered that i had a little series of posts of me ranking each WoW zone by how Australian they looked, and I think I gotta put that stuff on my website cuz I wanna continue that until every zone in WoW is fully ranked lol.

to celebrate me leaving tumblr, i went to the library to borrow some books. i hadn't been there in a while so i was just a tad surprised that it had changed appearance a little (not by much tho). i went in looking for 1 book (dark emu by brice pascoe) and left the library with 3 😂 thankfully including the one that i'd gone in there for. i found the book “sand talk” by tyson yunkaporta which i'd been wanting to read for a while so i grabbed that one as well. as well as a book about someone's personal experiences in gaza, specifically a newer book from like just a few years ago (both surprised my small town library has newer books at all- but unsurprised that it has newer books about palestine given it’s a very current and important topic).

i may end up writing in this blog about what my thoughts are of these books and such. i want to get back into reading so i figure- borrow some books and read everyday! read as much as i can :3

i also got some fish and chips when i went out, and ohhh yeah baby those were fucking good. i had chicken salt on them plus lemon juice 🍋 it was tasty af. all in all, i had a good morning/afternoon.

uhhh to very abruptly change the subject, i rp’d with a good friend on WoW recently and it got me into the rp mindset. i wanna rp on WoW more. they said that they hadn’t rp’d in such a long ass fucking time (for literally years or something) and that the rp we had together (with my dude Grokkar and their small orcish lady warrior) was the funniest they’d had in a while, and that i was genuinely good at rping. basically my dude Grokkar was picking flowers (he’s a herbalist and alchemist) and their orc Kruga was just fucking with him the entire time. it was mad funny. i hope to rp more 💜

7:18 pm Sunday 22nd March 2026

future ideas for the website

sooo in a few days i leave tumblr for good, and i was thinking of adding some sort of RSS feed to my website so that people can get updates to my blog or website. of course, it would mean that the followers of my website would need an RSS reader so they could keep up to date, but in the end that's not so bad because it means they don't need to give me or some other third party their email since RSS doesn't use emails to update people of website updates :3 I've never used RSS before and i only got a basic gist of how it works, but i think i can probably figure it out with enough finagling lol.

i'm also in the process of putting up all of my in-character elite: dangerous entries onto the website but that's taking a little bit of time. it'll take far more time than the spore stuff did, which took only 2 days. but that was cuz i had not that many creations i made myself on my spore-related tumblr side-blog. i have well over 70 entries/posts on my elite: dangerous side blog, alongside images and shit...so that will take some time to code. like. probably a lot. lol. but it'll get done eventually. that also means i'll probably need RSS feeds for various different pages...or maybe idk. just my whole website? i'm not sure. IF YOU, THE READER, ARE READING THIS, I WOULD LIKE FEEDBACK! do you want an RSS feed for individual parts of my website, like my blog, my spore creations, my art, etc...or just the whole website? go to my guestbook and tell me what u think!

also i hope to one day make my website mobile friendly like properly 💔 because i did that for my professional portfolio website, so i know how to do it. but this website so big...it might take a long ass time. a horrible awful hassle for future me blegh

5:15 pm Saturday 21st March 2026

Jerry, WoW, and adding more shit to my website

jerry is doing better in terms of settling in!!! he is no longer waking my ass up at 6 am. now he wakes me up at 7 or 8! he's sleeping on my bed and night and being less of a littel rascal. he has a sensitive tummy and doesn't like any food that isn't his normal food or he throws up gets diarrhea (my poor baby, i totally understand that feeling).

i been playing the new WoW expansion called midnight. i got thru eversong woods and also harandar, i just gotta see the other places now. i'm going a bit slow, everyone else i know has seen way more of the expansion than me lol. i'm over here like lalalala *picks flowers* while everyone talks about spoilers and shit and i just have to plug my ears or look away so i dont spoil myself (oops it already happened! well darn). I did unlock the Haranir race and those fellas are super cool :3

if you didn't see the little thing i wrote a few days ago, i'm moving all my sideblog from tumblr to my website, and i'm no longer gonna be on tumblr. it kinda saddens me to leave the website since i've been on there for 14 years, but the place is such a massive white american echo chamber that...i don't wanna stay there anymore. the racism i keep experiencing + the horrible shit ppl say to me even when they agree with some of my points is just. like. idk. i'm not alive on this earth so people can be racist to me and ignore everything i'm saying and question my Aboriginality or try to absolve themselves of their racism by making it my problem to solve etc. etc.

I'm not here on this earth to do all that. i'm here to pet kitty cats and make art and have fun with coding my website and play video games and sniff flowers!!!!! preferably without white people up in my shit causing me problems. sooo it's time i moved on. this year is a year of change- where things are different now. already, i've made things different: i got a steam deck which revolutionised my gaming experience and made gaming easier and more fun since now i can play newer and older games everyone been harping on about that my computer could NEVER play. i got a new cat, jerry, which made it so that i had to have a proper schedule and be responsible for him. i have more money now, because of centrelink payments that i wasn't getting before. and now, i leave a website i've been on for...a huge portion of my life. it's time for me to let go of the old and focus on something new and different (even tho my website isn't new and i've had it for a few years now lmao).

1:28 pm Wednesday 25th February 2026

how it's been with jerry boy

sooo i've had jerry in my house for about 2 weeks now, and...well, let's just say each day has brought something new with it. Jerry is still trying to settle in, but I feel like he's doing a better job at settling in now than he was before. He's being a lot more affectionate with me, coming up onto my bed and cuddling with me and laying on me.

my new routine is a little harsh on my body because Jerry wants to be fed at THEE arse crack of dawn. 6 am, sometimes 7 am if he's being generous with me. my routine before was go to bed at like 1 or 2 am and then wake up at 9-10 am. but that's just not feasible anymore because jerry needs to be fed earlier. then he wants to go outside immediately after being fed. I give him supervised outdoor time for a while, and when he starts trying to wonder off the property, I lead him back with some treats (rabbit and beef flavoured kibble). If he is really adament about wondering off, i'll distract him with a bunch of treats and then pick him up, and bring him back to the front yard. or if we've been outside for long enough, i'll bring him back inside. (if i try to pick him up without distracting him with treats, he complains by meowing angrily or by biting me. the treats work wonders).

recently he got a bit sick because of the diet change and the stress of acclimating into a new home, so i had to take him to the vet. he had constipation, and then suddenly switched to diarrhea overnight, which was obvs concerning. i'm currently giving him pain meds and antibiotics, and he's being a very brave boy for eating his food with the meds even though the antibiotics smell weird. like, me with my shitty bad nose that sucks can smell the antibiotics, and even when i mix it in super well with his food, the super smelly meaty food basically is overpowered by the smell of the antibiotics. and if *i* can smell it, jerry with his way more powerful cat nose can ABSOLUTELY tell there's something up with his food. he refuses it at first, but i've been able to encourage him to eat it and i've been praising him and petting him the whole time. he is a very very very brave and good boy for eating it despite it probably tasting really fucking yucky.

on march 7th both the cat backpack and the cat harness that i bought for him online will show up in the mail. i'm fucking STOKED for it. i've not been this excited for something to come in the mail since i was waiting around for my steam deck (which i've been having a blast with btw). jerry really needs to be walked- at the arse crack of dawn and right before the sun sets. he's kind of restless without it. me giving him supervised outdoor time *is* good for him but i can tell it's just not enough for him. the property isn't particularly large so there's really not much he can explore, and i know that it upsets him greatly. so i'm gonna get him acclimated to the cat backpack and the harness, then eventually take him for walks. i'm pretty excited about it.